The other day a male acquaintance from my MBA program, a soon-to-be father, said that he’d had enough of working in finance in the big city. He was rethinking his goals, looking to work like a dog over the next five to ten years so that he could move to a tropical paradise and drop out of the insanity.
Of course, this resonated with me because it is the quintessential working mother’s fantasy. Going someplace where you can live a simpler life, spend ample time with your children, not worry about office politics and getting ahead. In fact, I suspect it’s the dream many mothers think they are buying into when they drop out of the workforce.
For many — if not most — mothers, work and peace feel mutually exclusive. It was interesting to hear this future father, someone who didn’t even have a child yet, voice some of the same angst I hear from women all the time. But I would challenge him with the same question I ask women who want to drop out: is there no way to find true happiness in work? Do you have to abandon the corporate world and move to a tropical island to find fulfillment?
Perhaps even more depressing, this is a person who could be an ally. He could stay in the workforce and make it better for himself and us all. But instead, like so many women in the same position, he plans to opt out. That’s a sad state of affairs for those of us who know that corporate culture will only truly change when men are as engaged in the desire for change as women. When the private equity guys show they care about living real lives as much as their wives.
I imagine that many in the corporate world would argue that achieving at the office requires a certain level of misery — paying dues. I fundamentally disagree. It’s one thing if you hate your industry, then you need to find a new calling. But I sense that lots of people like their industry, but hate the corporate politics, the punishing drive for short-term profit over long-term sustainability, and the grinding hours wasted on useless meetings and tasks.
Can we recalibrate our corporate environments to build institutions that don’t force people to choose between working and fulfillment? Places where great jobs and progressive career movement don’t require forfeiting peace, leisure and family? We can, but the people who care have to stay in the system, making it better for themselves and others as they gradually take the reins from the previous generation. In other words, we have to find our tropical islands in our own backyards.
Great point.
Speaking of corporate culture, have you seen (in your spare time, yeah right) the new Showtime show called “House of Lies” about management consulting with Don Cheadle and Kristin Bell. If so, what do you think?
I am a mom of four and a writer who works from home, so some of what you talk about is not pertinent to me. But some of it is. Even if I’m working on an article and ignoring the kids, I feel guilty. I feel like I am always in the wrong place.
I do see lots of people in my travels who talk about needing to “get out of the rat race.” They espouse the attitude of “slave, save, retire” (from Tim Ferriss’ The 4-Hour Workweek) instead of seeking fulfillment and peace in the every day. I would not propose that these people stay in the corporate world to make it a better place, however, because I think one could go crazy before any major changes are seen in our culture. I propose to these people who need a break: what about a family sabbatical away from the world they live in, away from their physical job (although they may be able to take it on the road), away from their culture?
My husband and I are taking our children to Panama for about 5 months next winter. We hope to give our children a critical distance from their own culture, which tends toward materialistic and shallow and self-driven. We want them to see people who don’t have much but are pretty content. We also want them to see those who don’t have even the basics, so they can appreciate what the have. In taking this time as a family, we want to reconnect, recharge, and reconsider the ways we do things here in the States.
Good post. Thanks for the read.
Your post caught my eye because I am in school for business and just finished the QMS class this semester. I just keep thinking how cool it would be if more job places were like the company Google. How awesome it would be if more people could DESIRE to go to work! I agree with what you say about some people needing to stick it out in order to make changes for the next generation. If we don’t, someone else will. Might as well take a piece of the pie eh?